After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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