isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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