There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
