And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Shame - the story of my life.
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