I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
