dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
operation have a gay friend backfired
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
