Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
