6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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