if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
