come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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