She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
