I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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