Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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