I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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