WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
