dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
