If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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