I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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