Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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