Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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