I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
