so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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