WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
