That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
