drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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