Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Four minutes until I can fart!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
