I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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