I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
