so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
