Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I came so hard my ears popped.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
