Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize