Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
pop tarts are not kleenex
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize