I seem to have left my pride at pride
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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