I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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