I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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