Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
