There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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