New low: just hacked my moms facebook
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
