I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
