I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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