sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
