Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
