Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
