ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
