things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Two words: nipple clamps
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