i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
