hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
