You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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