glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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