I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
