You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
