But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
