Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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