i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
