We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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