this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
