Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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