That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
