i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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