I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
