Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
