ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
