Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
