He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
