I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize