first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
