its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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