I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
