Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he fucked my hip out of place.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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