and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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