u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
