I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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