even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
