Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
