i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
