I will die if light touches me.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize