My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
