just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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