I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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