Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
