He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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