Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
